Oh where to begin?  Resident Evil is the greatest horror-game franchise ever. The atmosphere of the settings, the story, the bad-ass characters (Leon FTW!)- Sounds like it would make a great movie. Unfortunately, even the best of source material can become a pile of cat-turds when entrusted to Paul W. S. Anderson. Anderson has written and directed all but one of the Resident Evil movies, and they all get progressively worse.

            The film opens in a thriving Tokyo, Japan during a… rainstorm? How? In the last movie, Extinction, it was made clear that the T-Virus eliminated all water on Earth, no lakes, rivers, oceans or rain. And that all but Alaska was reduced to desert. But now, Japan has life and water and is infection free? Continuity is for the weak. But then, one lone zombie in the middle of a crosswalk breaks free from the first of many extreme slow motion sequences and attacks someone. And now we get part one of the Mulligan Scenes. Alice, the hero of these movies (who is NEVER in the games) sends her army of clones from the last movie to attack Umbrellas’ base in Tokyo. Umbrella, the corporation responsible for the outbreak, is being run by Chairman Wesker, a run of the mill villain, who we learn has ingested T-Virus. Alice had also been injected with the T-Virus, and instead of killing her, she turns into Super Duper Telekinetic Alice. All of the Alice clones have her Super Duper powers as well, and they storm the base. And die. All of them. Within 20 minutes, the huge Alice army from the climax of the third movie is gone. But this leads to our second Mulligan Scene taking place in Weskers’ escape chopper. Alice snuck on board in an attempt to kill Wesker, but instead of killing him, she asks for his last words. He replies with an injection of T-Virus cure to her neck. Rebooting in the beginning of the fourth movie in your franchise? Sure, why not. Wesker and Alice begin to fight and this turns into one of several hilarious moments. Wesker suddenly realizes that he is supposed to be flying the chopper and they crash into a mountain and the chopper explodes. Tee hee. But Alice, even without her Super Duper powers, walks away from the destroyed chopper with hardly a scratch on her. Sure, why not. So, after a quick jaunt to Enterprise Rent-A-Plane, it’s off to Arcadia, Alaska to find Claire and K-Mart (really?) from the last movie. Alice flies off and after searching all of 35 seconds, finds no one and walks to the ocean that shouldn’t exist. She hears a noise and gets attacked by Claire, who has a red glowing mecha-spider on her chest. It’s knocked off and Claire now has amnesia because… she just does. The two of them fly to Los Angeles to find people. And they do, of course. A group of survivors locked themselves in a prison, with no way out. Good thinking.  The survivors, a group of stereotypes who don’t do much, tell Alice and Claire that they have someone locked in the basement, who knows a way out. And since having a way out would make sense, they keep him locked up. Alice talks to the man in the basement and convinces the others to release him, much to the dismay of the token asshole character. The group heads down to the basement and release the prisoner. The prisoner reveals himself to be Claire’s brother, Chris, for no reason other than that it was in the game. This never amounts to anything because Claire still has amnesia and doesn’t recognize him. Stereotypical Asshole steals the Rent-A-Plane and flies off to the ship Arcadia, which turns out to be the ship from Alaska that Alice confused with a town. A town that never appeared on any maps. Your hero, ladies and gentlemen, can’t read a map. Some Las Plagas appear after Chris is released… wait. Las Plagas? We’re in Spain all of the sudden I guess, and there is never any mention of where the Las Plagas came from. It is from the game, so I guess that’s good enough for the movie. After more death for the stereotype brigade, the Executioner from Resident Evil 5 shows up, all the way from Africa to swing his big hammer at things. After a completely ludicrous slow motion scene where Claire shoots the monster in the head, only to have Alice do the same thing and kill the Executioner, they all go into the tunnel that Chris know of. The tunnel leads them to the ocean and we lose another character in the cave in caused by some zombies, or Plagas, or Majini they don’t tell us. Somehow they get a boat and head out to the ship. Once aboard, they discover a trap. And they explore. (I am not kidding, the say “It’s a trap” and keep going the exact same way they were.) They discover some pretty tubes that have people stored inside of them. One of these tubes has K-Mart. (The tube next to it has Target, and further exploration shows that they have Wal-Mart as well.) They begin to release the survivors and Alice finds Wesker. Wesker reveals that he and the T-Virus, which is the reason he escape the explosion, are in a constant struggle for control. Wesker intends to ingest Alice, due to her being the only person who successfully bonded with the T-Virus. Chris and Claire attempt to kill Wesker, but fail because they aren’t Alice. Alice and K-Mart defeat Wesker, but he escapes in a chopper while they aren’t looking. Alice somehow put a bomb in the chopper and it explodes, but Wesker parachutes out of the explosion because he still needs to be the villain. The remaining heroes (as if) broadcast a signal saying that Arcadia is a safe haven for anyone that needs it. But before the credits roll, an army of choppers, lead by Jill Valentine, flies towards Arcadia. And the movie ends… FINALLY!

            This movie is horrible; the worst in the franchise and that is saying something. There are so many problems with this movie. Why did Alice survive the chopper crash? She had no powers and those are the only things that saved Wesker. And once she lost her powers, how could she leap 15 feet vertically into the air to kick the Executioner in the face? Why is the acting so bad? Why isn’t there any mention to the EARTH-WIDE DESERT from the last movie? Did Paul W. S. Anderson forget? He wrote the damn things, how did he forget? There are too many problems to list.

            This movie isn’t enjoyable in any way. Some movies are so bad that they are funny or entertaining. Sadly this isn’t The Room, or Battlefield Earth. The performances in those, while bad, still had energy and a level of fun about them. None of the performances in Resident Evil: Afterlife has that. The characters are cardboard cut-outs of better heroes; the plot is a jumbled mess that is based more on other movies than the game series that it comes from. Sadly, there is already talk of a fifth movie, and I’m pretty sure it is going to be worse than this one. I give this movie half a star out of four. Don’t watch it, unless you are with a group of people and you just want to make fun of a horrible movie for an hour and a half.