I try to go the cinema at least once a week. I love the excitement before the movie, I love the candy shop, I even love waiting in line for the tickets. But what I love most of all (outside of the movie of course) is the trailers, the previews before the movie. Essentially, these trailers are laying out my future enjoyment, so I want to see them. I’m disappointed to say that at last night’s viewing of Sucker Punch (check out J.C. Simpsons review, hit the nail on the head there), to my despair, other cinema go-ers broke the first rule of cinema etiquette – the dreaded ring tone alert. For all of those who love the cinema experience as much as me, I’ve compiled a simple list of cinema etiquette that even the dullest minded could follow.

1) Seriously guys, turn off the mobile phone! Personalised ringtones might be cool at work, or school, but I don’t want to hear Katie Perry blasting from your pocket once the lights go down. Switch it off guys, or if you’re that desperate to stay updated, put it on vibrate.

2) Cut your chatter as soon as the trailers begin.  Ok, I get it, you don’t care about the trailer for the upcoming Fast and the Furious 5, and guess what, neither do I. But I care less about what your best mate did with his next door neighbour. If you need to chat, don’t come to a movie.

3) If they assign you a seat, sit in it. Some cinemas here in Aus have started an automated system that assigns you your choice of seat. I prefer to sit on the side of the cinema, so I’m not parallel to the screen, so I go to the effort of choosing that seat. It’s really embarrassing when you have to kick someone out of your seat, so just take the place you’re assigned. If there are empty seats when the movie starts, feel free to move then. Or just pick seats you’ll actually sit in.

4) Don’t laugh obnoxiously. I understand that the bathroom scene in Hall Pass was hilarious, and I laughed too, but there’s no need to continue the laughter past the natural point of ending. Even worse, laughing at something that’s not funny – if there’s no general giggle of appreciation, leave it be.

It’s really not hard to go to a movie and follow these simple rules. Please, for your enjoyment, and the enjoyment of those around you, learn your cinema etiquette.

If you’re going to break these rules, I reserve all rights to throw a melted Malteser at you.