I just love pointless sequels. Especially pointless sequels which only bring back less than half the original cast, including only one member of Alpha-Beta. Set just one year after the original, our successful Tri-Lambs have been invited to Fort Lauderdale for some sort of fraternity conference, but when they arrive at the hotel, they find out their reservations have been cancelled, but by whom? You guessed it! Some meanie from their arch-rival fraternity, Alpha Beta. No, it’s not everyone’s favourite quarterback from the original, but The West Wing‘s Brad Whitford who wasn’t in the first one, yet for some reason can tell you everything that happened, in detail, if you asked. I assume it’s because he’s from a different chapter of Alpha Beta, but then “The Ogre” showed up, Alpha Beta’s, growling, man-mountain of a defensive captain from the original film.

Not only are we left confused with Brad Whitford’s motives, and where the hell he and his buddies even came from, our “romance” from the original film, between Lewis and Betty, is set up in the opening montage when he places a picture of her in his bags before setting off for Fort Lauderdale, but is never mentioned again. At all. Not even when Lewis grabs the attention of hotel receptionist/concierge Sunny and engages in an awkward, yet entirely predictable relationship with her, is any word about Betty ever uttered from anyone’s mouth. Did they break up? Did she get back with our loveable quarterback? Did she die? No one knows. And no one seems to care, either.

Anyway, so after the gang are refused entry to their hotel because, unsurprisingly, the acting manager of the hotel is an Alpha-Beta who hates nerds, so they are forced to take shelter in the only place with a vacancy: the dirtiest motel in the city, which also happens to be an incredibly unhealthy brothel. Following the trend of unfinished plot points, Booger bumps into an old, pot-smoking slob who offers to teach Booger ‘his ways,’ and the two engage in a loogie/burping contest. This man is never seen or heard from again, until the end of the movie.

I did enjoy the rivalry between the Tri-Lambs and the Alpha-Betas in this one. Not because it was good or anything, but because Brad Whitford’s character had Lex Luthor-like brains and resources. Not only is he basically the president of this fraternity convention, giving speeches and passing motions, he also managed to build an incredibly complex Native American cave/waterfall/village-type thing and hire about 30 costumes in the course of about four hours, hire/buy a 40-foot yacht and navigate to a deserted island, all just to get some nerds out of Florida. Surely with those kind of resources he could have tried something else more serious? You know, like, the motel the nerds are staying in could have a sudden gas leak? Or, considering he’s the freakin’ president of this damn conference, just not have invited them in the first place? Well he is an Alpha-Beta, I suppose.

From the opening title crawl, an incredibly poor tribute to Star Wars, to half the cast suddenly going missing without so much as a word from their “friends”, to ‘Ogre’ switching sides, the movie is just incredibly thought-provoking. Not thought-provoking in the sense that 2001: A Space Odyssey is thought-provoking, more in the sense that leaves you thinking, ‘why the hell would somebody allow this dreck to be made?’ ‘Where did half the characters go?’ ‘Is this film incredibly bad or is it just too intelligent for me to understand?’ For that last question, I’ll be picking the former.