Splice was the worst movie of the year. Don’t see it.
Adrien Brody and some woman create a half animal, half human creature and it ends up getting out of hand. Directed by Vicenzo Natali (Cypher) and Executive-Produced by Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy), this movie was a horrindous abomination that was very weird, disturbingly awkward, stupid, not scary and VERY weird. I already mentioned that, didn’t I? Well, to hell with it, I’ll say it again: This was weird and terrible.
I’ll tell you the whole story from start to finish so that you don’t have to sit through it like I did and waste $9 damn dollars. *WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS!*
So this dude and this woman make this species that is a bunch of animals mixed together. It is ugly as sin and they bond together. Then the people make a part animal, part human thing and it is born too quickly. They think it is dead one day, but it came out of the embryonic sack and is running around. They find it and are like “shit!” and they put it in a box and they attach to it (well, the annoying girl does, not so much Brody), and then the film kicks into the future about a month and the thing is at its child-era since it grows exceptionally faster than people do. The kid gets a fever and Brody tries to drown it, but fails when he finds that Dren (as they named it because it is their company’s name backwards) has amphibious lungs. Dren grows into a teen-years creature and they have to move her due to the problem that someone might find her, and so they put her into the girl’s mom’s farm, and they lock the door, making sure she can’t get out. Dren finds a cat and the woman takes it away and says that she can’t always get what she wants. That pisses Dren off.
So, one day, Brody comes back into the farm and realizes that Dren came from the woman’s genes. Dren gets out for a minute and grows wings and is about to fly away but Brody says that he loves her so that she won’t fly off. Then, the woman gives Dren back the cat that she had but says “It’s always good to have a pet” and then Dren stabs the cat with her tail and is about to do that to the woman, but instead tries to run and when she does this, the woman smacks her in the head with a shovel. The woman puts Dren on a table, cuts her clothes off to make her feel like an animal, and cunts her tail’s spike off so that she can use it to make a medicine to possibly help AIDS and Cancer victims.
Then Brody comes in and sees her doing this and is like “what the hell?” and lets Dren out. Brody leaves and then comes back to Dren, who begins to kiss him. He backs away, but then he begins to kiss her back and then they have sex, and it is very weird to watch, let me tell yah. And so then, in the middle of the act, the woman walks in and then rushes out. He tells her, once he gets into the apartment he and her live in, and he says that Dren wasn’t an experiment, but was made to be an alternative to a child since she was afraid that she’d lose control of the child. They go to a showing of their discovery in the two ugly animal things, but when they let the barrier up, they kill each other because the girl one turned into a male randomly.
They go back to the barn and find that Dren is dying. She dies and they bury her. Brody’s brother and a guy from their employer come up to the barn and talk about Dren and where she is because the brother told the man about everything. They tell him she’s dead and then Dren swoops down and grabs the man and throws him into a tree, killing him. The brother is grabbed next and then Brody and the woman run away. When Brody is dragged into the water, but he swims up and then Dren rises from the water, and you realized she turned into a male, like what happened to the other animal thing. Adrien Brody passes out, and the woman runs away, but is caught and raped by the thing. Brody then stabs through Dren with a tree branch, and then Dren stabs Brody with its tail, but the woman grabs a rock and crushed Dren’s head.
The future: the woman is sitting at a table talking about experimenting and whatnot, and when she stands, she is pregnant from the thing.
This movie was HORRIBLE.
Bottom Line: F-. Not a SINGLE scene of suspense or even an entertaining object of cinematic reasoning.