Let me be the first to welcome you to this year’s Anti-Awards, The Oscars for the worst movies of the year. There are 5 Categories in the Anti-Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Direction, Worst Acting Performance (Both for Males and Females), Worst General Screenplay.
This year we have many nominations for the worst of the worst, but let me clear some things up that the dumb-ass tabloids seem to be getting wrong: 1. Paranormal Activity sucked. It’s knock-off, Paranormal Entity, was more scary. 2. The Room, the worst film in history, was made in 2005, not 2009.
Now that we have that set, I show you the nominations and the winners.
Terminator Salvation: Nominated Because – It was horrible, generally. McG should be shot, and Christian Bale should be shot, along with the screenplay writer.
Paranormal Activity: Nominated Because – Talk about pissing your money away for a one second scare after an hour and a half build up. If you see this, you are pissing your money away and pissing your time away (and I’ve seen Avatar 7 times).
Knowing: Nominated Because – Shitty acting, bad direction, bad screenplay, and awful twist, if you can call it that.
A Perfect Getaway: Nominated Because – I called the twist twenty minutes in.
Miss March: Nominated Because – It sucked something fierce because of its awful acting and plot.
And the winner of the 2009 Anti-Award for Worst Picture is… Terminator Salvation. This movie blew on all levels, and had one of the worst plots ever.
Nicolas Cage – Knowing: Reason – Cage can’t act.
Steve Zahn – A Perfect Getaway: Reason – The movie sucked, and so did he.
Christian Bale – Terminator Salvation: Reason – Christian Bale sucked in this role.
And the winner of the 2009 Anti-Award for Worst Actor is… Christian Bale. He did horribly in this film, as he has done in recent roles.
I’m going to GIVE this one to Rose Byrne, who I loved in Sunshine, for her dreadful performance in Knowing. Way to go!
Knowing – Reason: Horrible plot turns and ending.
A Perfect Getaway – Reason: Really, REALLY cheesy.
Terminator: Salvation – Reason: Film sucked.
Paranormal Activity – Reason: Fill the page with the F-bomb over and over, and make a lamp flicker and a door move, and you’ve got this script.
And the winner of the 2009 Anti-Award for Worst Screenplay is… Paranormal Activity. This script seemed, sadly, less interesting and intelligent than Cloverfield.
Thank you for reading my awards list, and I hope that there are no films that are this bad in 2010… Oh, wait, the Tooth Fairy and The Spy Next Door came out already… crap.