(Warning:  This review may get repetitive, but it will only take a few minutes to read.  Take the time to read it, because the movie will get repetitive and it won’t be over so quickly.)

I’m sorry, but this movie is really annoying.  300, the summer blockbuster directed by Zach Snyder adapted from Frank Miller’s graphic novel, is like a dead skunk.  Even though it has no life, it still stinks.  I believe that people should sit through movies in their entirety and not shut them off before they finish.  300 tested my beliefs.  Lets go through three reasons why I was so annoyed at the film and concerned for America because it made so much money.

1) The action scenes are all in slow motion:  Every time something exciting was about to happen, music started and the film went into slow motion.  Don’t get me wrong about slow motion, because it can be used effectively in action sequences (Look at the final bloodbath in Scorsese’s Taxi Driver).  But it really gets old quick when every half minute the film changes speeds and people are being killed in slow motion.  Take a look at Tarantino’s Kill Bill movies and tell me if those action scenes (in regular speed) are a hundred times better than anything in this sorry excuse for filmmaking.

2) The dialogue consists of yelling, more yelling, and more yelling.  Did I mention yelling?:  Sparta’s great King who leads his 300 troops against a far bigger army has only one volume setting on his mouth, and that’s loud.  When the film isn’t running at half speed, we are getting ‘inspirational’ speeches from the King.  It’s not a secret that period piece war films have rousing speeches from leaders before huge battles (Braveheart), but how many times can we watch it in one movie?  Either the King of Sparta thinks that his army is stupid and needs to be reminded that Sparta never gives up and will fight to the death, or the screenwriter(s) think that the audience is dumb and needs to be reminded that Sparta never gives up and will fight to the death.  

3) The subplot with the Queen is even more boring than the action:  Of course there has to be a reason why only 300 men went to war and I’m sure that political reasoning is a major part of it.  However, the problem is explained to us numerous times and the Queen has three or four different encounters throughout the film that are basically the same.  We get it, she loves her husband and will do anything for him (even cheat on him, which should be an entirely different reason to dislike the movie) so that Sparta can get more help fighting the nasty Persian army.  Why do we have to hear it more than once?

I can’t remember the last time I was so annoyed while watching a movie.  Films are supposed to take away our concerns and annoyances, replacing them with entertainment or deep thought for a few hours.  300 does the opposite.  As soon as I finished watching this film I called my friend who recommended it to me and told him that he was completely wrong.  I couldn’t convince him.  Hopefully I can convince you.  DON’T SEE THIS MOVIE!