Let me be the first to welcome you to this year’s Anti-Awards, The Oscars for the worst movies of the year. There are 5 Categories in the Anti-Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Direction, Worst Acting Performance (Both for Males and Females), Worst General Screenplay.
This year we have many nominations for the worst of the worst, but let me clear some things up that the dumb-ass tabloids seem to be getting wrong: 1. Paranormal Activity sucked. It’s knock-off, Paranormal Entity, was more scary. 2. The Room, the worst film in history, was made in 2005, not 2009.
Now that we have that set, I show you the nominations and the winners.
Worst Picture:
Terminator Salvation: Nominated Because - It was horrible, generally. McG should be shot, and Christian Bale should be shot, along with the screenplay writer.
Paranormal Activity: Nominated Because - Talk about pissing your money away for a one second scare after an hour and a half build up. If you see this, you are pissing your money away and pissing your time away (and I’ve seen Avatar 7 times).
Knowing: Nominated Because - Shitty acting, bad direction, bad screenplay, and awful twist, if you can call it that.
A Perfect Getaway: Nominated Because - I called the twist twenty minutes in.
Miss March: Nominated Because - It sucked something fierce because of its awful acting and plot.
And the winner of the 2009 Anti-Award for Worst Picture is… Terminator Salvation. This movie blew on all levels, and had one of the worst plots ever.
Worst Actor:
Nicolas Cage - Knowing: Reason - Cage can’t act.
Steve Zahn - A Perfect Getaway: Reason - The movie sucked, and so did he.
Christian Bale - Terminator Salvation: Reason - Christian Bale sucked in this role.
And the winner of the 2009 Anti-Award for Worst Actor is… Christian Bale. He did horribly in this film, as he has done in recent roles.
Worst Actress:
I’m going to GIVE this one to Rose Byrne, who I loved in Sunshine, for her dreadful performance in Knowing. Way to go!
Worst Screenplay:
Knowing - Reason: Horrible plot turns and ending.
A Perfect Getaway - Reason: Really, REALLY cheesy.
Terminator: Salvation - Reason: Film sucked.
Paranormal Activity - Reason: Fill the page with the F-bomb over and over, and make a lamp flicker and a door move, and you’ve got this script.
And the winner of the 2009 Anti-Award for Worst Screenplay is… Paranormal Activity. This script seemed, sadly, less interesting and intelligent than Cloverfield.
Thank you for reading my awards list, and I hope that there are no films that are this bad in 2010… Oh, wait, the Tooth Fairy and The Spy Next Door came out already… crap.
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February 10th, 2010 (5 weeks ago) at 2:33 am
Paranormal Activity is a joke - it’s a movie made for teens.
February 10th, 2010 (5 weeks ago) at 8:40 am
I agree with all of them except for Terminator Salvation. Sam Worthington made it fair.
February 11th, 2010 (5 weeks ago) at 1:54 pm
SAm Worthington saved ‘Terminator’ for me - hottie, hot, hot - really just could have put the movie on mute really… haven’t really seen the rest as they looked terrible right off the bat… I DO however plan on seeing ‘Paranormal’, am just waiting to have a buddy ;) I’ve also heard good things from most people I know who have seen it… K ;)
February 17th, 2010 (4 weeks ago) at 10:36 am
I have to disagree with you on this.
Paranormal easily tops my list of favourite low budget indies of all time.
Come to think of it, it may be the only 09 horror that actually scared me.
No I don’t think thats it was unoriginal, in fact ‘found footage’ movies seem very original to me and I tip my hat to them.
and oh I did get round to watching avatar, review coming soon.
February 17th, 2010 (4 weeks ago) at 1:52 pm
i hope to read it. Paranormal was original, but it just wasn’t scary in any way until the end. It needed more things to happen at different times, and it needed to not have a revealing preview like it had.
March 4th, 2010 (2 weeks ago) at 1:38 am
Worst Picture:
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Why must Michael Bay’s films be so long? Fortunately, I haven’t seen this film, but it’s 149 minutes, which is 149 minutes too long for me. The other thing I heard was that after the long fighting sequence, your brain gets numb after a while. Now I’m really glad I haven’t seen this mess or else I’d probably feel like sticking my head in a vice.
March 4th, 2010 (2 weeks ago) at 7:41 pm
well, if you haven’t seen it, then you really can’t judge it, though it did suck pretty bad. Though this is a truth, the horrible acting of Christian Bale and the disgraceful story and effects, which should have been better and the film, generally, should have been directed by James Cameron. The thing that really pissed me off about the film was that before the PG-13 rating was released, the Nine Inch Nails-themed trailer was probably the best movie preview I have ever seen. IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER!
March 4th, 2010 (2 weeks ago) at 11:18 pm
Like Linda Hamilton said, it should have ended with Terminator 2 & I couldn’t agree more. The thing is, those sharks at Hollywood will try to squeeze every dollar they can out of the franchise. Regarding what you said about James Cameron directing it, I believe he said that he’s not interested in doing anymore Terminator films.
March 7th, 2010 (5 days ago) at 1:05 pm
I don’t blame him. It ended in Terminator 2, when the world was saved and Arnold died along with the other machine so that the present could continue on the track it was going. It was an amazing film, and I think that the 3rd one was an F-U to the face. The fourth one was just an added emphasis. BTW, James Cameron is making a movie that is coming out in 2011 called “Battle Angel,” and it is about a robot girl that is involved in a war. It sounds pretty stupid, but Cameron will make it good.
March 8th, 2010 (4 days ago) at 2:43 am
Paranormal Activity was… funny, up until the final scene, which scared the crap outta me to be honest, and I think that was worth it ( by the way, I was one of the few who DID enjoy Cloverfield). I typically forget movies that suck, but one that comes to mind was Angels & Demons. That movie was just totally bad.