Alien vs. Ninja Review

With a name like ‘Alien vs. Ninja’ you would think that you’re at least going to see some great action scenes, but that’s not exactly the case here. The story here is pretty basic, it’s about a Ninja clan who witness “fire in the sky” on there way back to there village, go to investigate and discover an alien bent on destroying world. You know, basic sci-fi action stuff. Now I wasn’t expecting to be blown away by this movie, but I was expecting to have a good time watching some ninjas and aliens kill each other, but I guess that’s just asking to much nowadays.

One thing that I never got over with this movie was the costume design. Seriously I don’t know what they were thinking when they made this. First the ninjas in the movie all wear loosely fitting leather pants with studded spike belts and big belt buckles. If that’s not bad enough for you then don’t worry there’s more. One ninja has red emo hair, and spends most of his time using his sword as a mirror to move his one bang around. I couldn’t help but be reminded of Chris Kattans’ scene from ‘A Night at the Roxbury’ were he’s moving around the car and fixing his hair in all the mirrors. Also apparently they had jewelers back in feudal Japan because the emo ninja wears a pretty big but very distinctly shaped diamond stud earring. There’s also a guy with a blonde half hawk, a guy with multiple crowns on his teeth, a cross dressing gay guy who seems to really think he’s a girl (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m just saying.), and the alien whose costume looks worse than what I wore for Halloween last year. I know this sounds kind of nit picky but when you’re watching a movie about ninjas seeking vengeance, and fighting for their lives, it’s hard to not be bothered by all of this.

I almost don’t even want to go into the train wreck they call a story here, so I won’t. Instead I’ll just mention how the hero of the movie is not really a ninja. They actually say this in the movie. He basically just moved into the ninja village and happens to be a really good fighter so they let him go out on missions but he doesn’t really know how to do many of the things ninjas can, such as hear at great distances, move quietly, move quickly, but then at some parts he can do some of these things….wait what!? Yea like I said, train wreck. Now the final fight of the movie is probably the craziest fight I’ve ever scene, and not in a good way. It goes from a Samurai type showdown (Yes the alien is a sword master.), to a John Woo style gun fight, into a wrestling / MMA fight. Then not to be out done, EVER, it turns into a boxing match, full with Mike Tyson ear biting and all, seriously. Next we have a chase scene, then they fly around for a while and then the alien goes boom. This fight was hilarious and I’m sure it wasn’t supposed to be.

All in all, this was just the very definition of a bad movie. Don’t waste your time watching this, it’s not worth it. If you really need to watch a movie about some awesome ninjas kicking ass, then go and check out ‘Shinobi: Heart Under Blade’, it’s a much better movie with good actors and a story that makes sense. Plus the awesome fight scenes in it don’t hurt.

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